Sha la lala la

When I woke up this morning, I turned my alarm off and rolled over, kept sleeping. When I actually woke up, I thought about rolling over again but it was almost noon so I got up. I took a shower and for some reason it feels as if I'm not waking up at all today. I just want to crawl under the blankies and wubble myself back to sleep.

After curiously wondering what the hell is up now, I realised the new year is making me want to go back to sleep. Even though this year I had to sleep on my brothers couch for months after breaking up with a guy I really liked, I was lazy with school stuff after the summer and I'm still broken, the past year was good.

I made lots of new friends and took a little more control of my own life. I love my little guild and most of my new friends are there. I've also enjoyed the giggly-crush-butterflies once more. I think I don't want to move on to the next year because I don't know what it will bring. I hope for only good things but the pessimist in me is not so sure.

For this new years eve I want to wish you all lots of courage. And when the count down starts, guys, remember this song.

Yo mama!

Again I'm scheming on a little longer post to force on you later but until that is done, you can entertain yourself with some of the trade chats finest. I just found these from my secret logs and thought you might like them:

"Yo mama is so fat chainlighting hits her three times."

"Yo mama is so fat that when I tried to target her the game said "you can only have one target"."

"Yo mama is so fat that when she sits around the house she sits around the house" 

"Yo mama is so fat earth shield wore off before it had a single orbit."

"Yo mama is so fat she gets World Explorer when she logs in." 

 "Roses are red, violets are blue. This joke is so over used and your mom is too."

Another good memory was when my gametime expired in the middle of a random dungeon and it was like a miracle that when I had fumbled myself more time, they hadn't kicked me out yet!

My gametime is expiring in a couple of days again and I thought about taking a little break. I will do so because I want to get some schoolwork done, but reading my old secret logs it states that I can't get any work done without WoW. It's because I end up playing other games that actually requires concentration and it makes me little worried. We'll see how it goes.

I'm no wise man, but I know a few

I have been up all night and all day. I felt like sharing something with you but I'm in no condition to write anything meaningful. That's why this time I let others speak for me.

 

Hope even one of these is meaningful to you too. And if those were not, maybe this last one is.

 

Kids, this is a story of how I didn't meet your father

This time of the year my facebook feed is bursting with complaints of how irritating customers can be. This made me think about the time I used to work in customer service. Memories grow sweeter with time and I'm starting to forget the times I came home and burst in to tears. Or the times I didn't even get home and just cried at the work place.

But what I do remember was this one guy - or should I say a man - who came to the store very often and generally wanted to talk to me and kinda hoovered near my counter. He didn't speak very good Finnish and he had a little boy with him often. The boy was about 5 years old and I assumed he was that mans son. I never saw the guy with a woman so I also assumed he was a single dad.

It was pretty awkward to talk to him and then one time he brought me a pair of earrings. I tried to refuse the gift but he insisted. I think I left the pair under the counter somewhere because they were not to my liking and anyway it would've been too uncomfortable to wear them.

When I started looking back at that moment first I thought I might be little racist and that's why the guy creeped me out so much. But when I thought about it more the occasion reminded me of one episode in How I Met Your Mother where the characters were talking about how sweet gestures are creepy only if the receiver does not like the other one back.

After I broke up with my last long term boyfriend (has it been four/five months now?) more than one guy have contacted me. I'm not sure but from few of them I get the feeling that they have an agenda behind the getting-in-touch-thingey. I'm usually pretty frank myself so this hoovering around subjects gets on to my nerves. Sometimes I feel like yelling to most of the people with penises around me: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!

Few of my schoolmates and I talked about getting the whole liking or going on a date stuff out of the way and how it might not be the best idea. We talked how it could ruin the anticipation and the wait can actually be thrilling. But I'm not a patient person and I don't appreciate games. At least not that kind of games :)

We are all afraid of rejection and ridicule. But I'm looking for a man who is not afraid of me, and how can a person not be afraid of a hothead like me if he is too afraid of asking me out and seeing me face to face just the two of us?

Which reminds me of this song I usually sing when there's just two people online in the guild.

Now it can play in your head too! You're welcome.

Azerothian nights

I'm so excited! This blog has reached one thousand views! Most of them are probably just bots, but still I can't but feel so flattered and happy.

Thank you all for reading. I hope you have enjoyed reading it as much as I have writing it.

Special thanks to my most avid reader, Rennie. (but seriously, I don't write every day so no need to check that often, silly.)

I'm sorry it's been so little about WoW and so much about my personal life - but then again, who wouldn't like little social porn.

Alone, in the dark

Few days ago I was sitting in the bus and I noticed over half of the passengers were crouching over a light coming from their palms. Made me think what if writing would have been invented now? Would people say reading books in buses and trains destroys all social interactions between the fellow people?

And then I thought about time when reading wasn't common and books were hard to get and I realised why people that knew something knew quite much: They had time to read. Think about the long trips they made back then. Sitting in the cart for hours and hours would give time to read if there was daylight outside.

Back to this time and age. I disagree with the thought smart phones, virtual worlds and all that makes us less social. I think it's quite the opposite. It shows that we do care what's going on in peoples lives, although there is much karma whoring going around too. But people are not so focused on thinking about and memorising equations and plays, but checking up on friends and family or talking to people in other countries. People who chat their bus rides get first hand knowledge about the common mans society, learn about other cultures and see news about ongoing events that affects our society. People are more informed about daily life and maybe not as blind as the one that sits in the bus without the light in his palm.

The one that sits alone in the dark.

I mean, come on. When is the last time you met a Finn that would talk to a stranger?

If you can dream it, you can do it

Last night I had nightmares again. In my dream, I was still with my latest ex and we were trying to get some sleep in our little dream-apartment. Suddenly his mother calls and demands all kinds of things. I don't agree so we go back to sleep. Next thing I know, there's light coming from the mailbox-hole and half of her head pops in from it and she keeps demanding stuff. I get angry and tell her to go away. I lock the door so she can't get in with her set of keys, and I try going back to bed. I could feel through my sleep how angry I was for two things 1) her butting in in our life 2) I didn't get to sleep. The dream-mother-in-law called my boyfriend and demanded to know what was going on and why was our sleep more important than her things. The dream-bf didn't defend my right to sleep and I got so furious I started to throw my clothes and other stuff in a grocery store cart and yelled my lungs out. In the dream I ended up moving out in rage.

I didn't know I had such traumas from his mother but I guess I do since it's the second time I dream about her.

But that wasn't my point here this time. My point is that I can remember being so angry IRL. It's horrible and exciting at the same time. I kinda miss letting my feelings go so loose and just act on them. I haven't broken any plates in years!

I think it's time for me to accept the fact that I am a passionate person, and the person who loves me should accept it too and let me rage from time to time. It's not the end of the world.

In my dreams last night I also couldn't find my apartment and several other stuff happened. The night before I was a female black cop that had to save her daughter from a burning building, but I only had a bike to get there. I should tell you about my dreams one day, because I have a lot of them. And some of them are pretty weird. What would Freud say?

Not for thin skinned

I was hesitant to write about this because obvious reasons, but since it keeps popping up to my head again and again I thought what the hell! I've never been a private person even though I might seem so IRL. So let's talk about se... floorwashing, baby. Let's talk about you and me. Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things.

I'm single, so yes, I think about washing floors with someone quite often. And yes, even girls do that. A lot.

Nothing is more sexy than confidence. But it's not so easy to be confident. In a long relationship when the starting awkwardness is over, it's easier to find the confidence to think oneself sexy. The partner already knows how you look and act half or totally nekkid so you can just go with it. What I've noticed in my new single life, is that thought of washing floors with someone - especially with a stranger - makes me doubt myself. I'm not skinny, I never been and I never will. I accept myself and I even like little things in my figure. But would someone else find my little quirkyness' charming and floorwashable.

Should I tell that person about them beforehand or just let them discover them while washing? Maybe the other person wouldn't even notice them, since they are little things. Or would it be better to just go "yeayea, I know my mop looks a little different than in por... floorwashingmovies" and hope the other person wouldn't be creeped out by it. I know you frown there now, but come on! We all have that one (or two, or three...) thing we are self-conscious about. Has society taught us to cover and change them and not accept them?

My experiences with washing floors are quite limited. The amount of partners I've had can be counted with fingers only. No need to add toes to that. I think they might not have all been very normal way to wash floors either. Few of my ex-partners have had some problems with their... mophandle. Either it's more common than people think or then I've just had weird luck. Anyways, it makes me ponder do I even know how to wash floors like normal people should. Can I dive in and passionately wash dem floors or am I stuck to carefulness and different equipment to help with the washing.

To all moms and dads out there, teach your kids to take care of the mops and handles. I know it's a sensitive subject and it can create awkwardness, but I can't emphasise enough how important it is for a man to be able to perform normally. The cover of the handle should go all the way back. If it doesn't or it hurts, there is a problem.

In worst case the cover has to be surgically removed. It's already been years and I can't remember it so well (goldfish memory, what can you do), but I want to tell you what I remember about it. I was with this guy who couldn't wash floors because the cover was stuck and wouldn't move without anxiety. I went to the doctor with him and after few times there finally was a conclusion that the best way to get normal life was to do a circumcision... for the mop handle. Yeah, totally talking about washing floors.

I remember the moment he walked out of the surgery. I hadn't slept much that night nor eaten. I almost fainted, he was so pale and clearly in drugs and in pain. The car ride home was tricky because he couldn't really wear pants and sitting wasn't the most pleasant position so to say. When we got home, I left him for a moment to run to the drugstore to get the prescription medication even though he wasn't supposed to be alone so shortly after the surgery. And good I did, because he really needed those painkillers.

I have read from the internet stories about guys going back to work the next day like nothing ever happened. I don't know how that is possible, but there are different types of circumcisions so maybe those people had less cover removed. It took weeks before he could start wearing pants like a normal person and even longer to actually move around in them. So there we were, me trying to do the grocery shopping because he couldn't and he doing the cooking because I couldn't. It took months to heal, over a year to be almost normal. And it took even longer getting used to the fact that the mop handle couldn't ever be covered again.

This might sound a rough story, but compared to what could've happened if it wasn't fixed are worse. Washing floors with someone is always nice, but to have a clean and healthy handle is also important. I remember the doctor telling what might happen after years: the cover might strangle the handle and the top end could swell so badly the whole thing would start to look like a mushroom. Not a nice future, am I right? And that was just one example. Much better future for this particular guy was the ability to wash floors more normally - which made me happy of course - and in the end I know he doesn't regret going through the surgery.

If you have any questions, I'd be happy to answer because it's not easy to find information about this from a medical+personal view. Hit me up with e-mail address and I will get back to you.

In conclusion: how ever you choose to wash floors, it doesn't matter how your mop or your handle looks like or do you have a cover or not; the important part is that it works as it is supposed to.

As in you get clean floors. Because that's what they are for.

Washing floors.

Content ever after

This is going to be a single life rant again, so stop reading right now if that doesn't interest you at all.

I'm old-fashioned in the way that I want my men (or well, just one man) to be older than me. I feel like I'm in a horrible age for that though since all the guys over thirty seems so... over thirty. And all the guys few years younger than me mostly seems like boys, not men. It's also getting harder and harder to tell the other persons age, but I guess that's a good thing since it means age difference is starting to mean less and less. But not less enough.

So how to find a person that I could hit it off with perfectly, that would accept me as who I am and I would feel comfortable with, who would be fashionably gentleman but still playing silly games and up for a pillow fight, who could take responsibility but wouldn't be too serious, who would go outside the house and would drag me there too, who would fix a broken furniture but knew I could totally do it myself too, who would love my cooking and my baking but wouldn't mind that it takes me a little while to clean up after me, who I wouldn't kick in the spine in my sleep (yup, done that), who wouldn't drink or smoke (if he smoked, I would end up smoking again too), who would want to marry me and have children with me and I would want the same with him, and so on. How do people find a person who fits almost everything on their "lists"?

Of course some things are more important than others. I don't think I could give up having children for anyone, but maybe I wouldn't have to get married if the other person could show his willing to commit otherwise. And I might be able to learn how to clean after baking if I really had to. Maybe.

I've been told all my life that I judge people too harshly. So I wonder, is this me judging people - or haven't I judged enough before, since none of my relationships have lead to "happily ever after"?

If there even is going to be a happily ever after for me. I sometimes wish I could see into the future and be sure if I get kids or marriage or a life long relationship. I don't think it would kill me if those things wouldn't happen, but it would be much easier if I knew it now so I could be prepared. I think there might be few things I'd choose differently if that was the case.

Would you do things differently if you knew you were going to be alone the rest of your life?

I also keep thinking what's the difference between friendship and relationship. It can't be just the bed-stuff but what else is there. Is there more physical and mental closeness in a love-relationship than in a friendship?

Is there more questions in life than there are answers? Will I lay in my deathbed one day and be all "yay, got all the answers, achievement unlocked, afterlife here I come!"?

50 shades of Carl

I keep having pretty interesting conversations with one of my internetian friends. We've covered almost every part of life already but still the topics don't seem to end. Or well, they are not conversations, more like arguments because my blood pressure always goes waaay up high. But that's me, I take a strong stand on things and then get frustrated if the other person doesn't see my point or agree with me. I do like arguments though. The problem usually is that people don't want to get into those with me because I can be pretty mean and offensive.

But this one guy is different. We can have a heated argument about gay rights for a day and a half and when I'm all "okay I guess we can't be friends anymore, he wont talk to me anymore", he sends me a casual message about something else. It's nice change to talk to someone who doesn't take the arguments too serious. It's not the end of the world if we all don't agree. But it's important to talk about stuff so we can widen our path of thoughts. Like I said before, things tend to have two ends like a good old sausage has (referring to a children's song). It's simply not possible for one person to discover all the aspects to important things alone.

The latest conversation we had was about a piece of news. There has been a case where a German forensic have killed another man and probably eaten parts of him too. Link to the news here. I don't go into more details about that particular subject because my point is elsewhere. My conversation partner thinks a murder is always a murder and should be imprisoned always. He thinks this case was more sickening than a person murdering a stranger on the streets - or at least this is what I've gathered from his arguments. I agree with it being more sick in the light of the both people involved being mentally not in this world. By that I mean the amount of sickness is doubled in this case because both the victim and the murderer are... well, fucked up.

I also think this is less sickening because it seems to me the both parties agreed on the killing and eating. I think people have the right to choose how they live or how they die. At least they should. For both men I think it would've been beneficial to get help and not do this at all, but if someone really wants to be eaten, who am I to judge? Just don't eat me or the people dear to me. I also think we all have weird thoughts and desires from time to time, but do we act on them is a totally different thing. For me it's very interesting to think why would someone act on their weird fantasies.

In the guild chat we sometimes bash mean people and joke about how they should be stabbed 37 times (see reference here). Still, I don't think any of us would actually really ever be able to stab anyone. And maybe joking about it is not the best thing to do. It's all fun and games, but it would be better to tone down those jokes because there's nothing funny in killing someone or death itself. We can still do our get-away-trip to Hong Kong without anyone getting killed in the process.

The question of the day is - and I want you to ponder about this - is there moral grey areas? Is murdering more forgivable sometimes or is it always as reprehensible? Is ending a life worse than getting raped? What is the worst thing that could happen to you and could you ever forgive?

Update

Just couple more days and schools out for this year. And then I have time to actually write. Just couple more days... just couple more... *sleeps*

Storytime!

Some nights we hold a storytime in the guild. Usually it's just me telling about my life in a fairytale form but sometimes the others join in too. It's polite to be quiet and listen to the whole story before commenting. I really love the storytime, so when I found this little treasure when packing my things, I knew I had to translate it to you guys. This is not my work, but I can't find it anywhere else anymore. I'm just so glad I printed it at the time. I'm also glad November is finally over and December is here. Let the snow fall down!

So here's a story of The Monster That Eats Yesterdays:

It's already dark outside, children. Close the curtains and gather around the fire. It's time for the last story of the day. Actually it's not a story, it's something more... Have you ever wonder where all the yesterdays go? Let me tell you.

Every night, at the darkest hour when you're sleeping, the Yesterday-eater crawls out from the murkiest shadow. It doesn't have a visible body, oh no, it is living darkness and it has a humongous maw, and it's maw is filled with the sharpness of winter breeze. Silent, ice cold draught.

Every night, at the darkest hour when you're sleeping, the Yesterday-eater starts to gorge down the yesterday. That is why it's so hard to go back to yesterday. If you ever wake up in the middle of the night, what ever you do, don't open your eyes. If you do, you might see the Yesterday-eater at the end of your bed - and nothing is more horrible than to see your yesterday be eaten by the Yesterday-eater.

In the cities, in some big buildings, there are adults working all night. They have to be extra careful. When the darkest moment of the night is upon them, they can't look behind. Because there, right behind their back, is the Yesterday-eater with it's endless maw silently tearing apart yesterday.

When people get old, they can't live fast anymore. They'll become slow and incautious. And one night the Yesterday-eater will catch them and eat today and all the days to come. That's why so much old people die. They don't have time to live any longer.

This is why mothers and fathers don't have time for you anymore. They are busy working, keeping themselves hurried and tired so the Yesterday-eater wont catch them and so that they would sleep heavily their nights. This is why you have to do as they say and go to bed early so the Yesterday-eater wont be able to find you awake. And when the dark falls, in the corner of your eye if you see something move or if you hear weird noises in the house, you better just squeeze your eyes tightly.

Every night, at the darkest hour when you're sleeping, the Yesterday-eater crawls out from the murkiest shadow. Mom or dad can't help you then.

You are alone in the night.

The end.

Good night.