Table of contents

So far I have published 101 posts and I thought it might be nice to have some kind of summary about them all. I also have things to add to those posts so I'm gonna use this wasted space for that.

• The First Morning is about how it all started on September 2013. My first post is actually even a year older because I started this blog to translate my old Finnish posts to English. Mainly to get more views, greedy as I am. The blog was going to be about World of Warcraft but as we all know now that ship has sailed long ago.

• Dawn Rises at the Battlefront is about my shampoo and the social contract. Don't worry, these two things has nothing to do with each other.

• Mondays is about my most memorable moments in WoW. Feels kinda redundant now that I've cancelled my game time and gonna take a long (deserved) break from the game.

• Something Concrete is unfortunately not about construction work but the first post to my knotted love life. It's the foundation of my future posts by explaining how the game "is it better" goes.

• About Pet Battle is about WoW and the Pokémon-like game inside it. To this I would like to add that it's a good way to fulfil your collectors needs while getting exp at the same time.

• On a More Serious Matter is about slavery and fur farming. Very grim, I'd say. Fur farming is still legal in Finland today and the conditions for the animals are not better.

• The Faire of the Dark Moon is basically a short summary of what I think is wrong in the world. I'm such a drag and not enough queen. Unlike the headline would suggest, it's not about WoW.

• Bugs and Booms is about WoW and was relevant two and a half years ago.

• Shoop Shoop is about how to recognise if a chick is into a guy in real life or in virtual worlds.

• A Shadow is my suggestion who to cast for a role of a gnome in a WoW movie and why different heights are weird to me.

• From Open Window You Can Hear Music is about music and I think the songs I've linked there are Hooverphonic's "Mad about you" and Awolnations's "Sail". When enough time passes, the links don't work anymore because of copyrights and YouTube deleting those which violates them.

• Top Five Songs is about WoW related songs. Weirdly all those links still works.

• Let Me Sing You the Song of My People is about how I became a guildleader. Quite bittersweet now that I've ended my reign of terror and left Kazz in charge. Letting go of my beloved guild was a difficult thought but weirdly easy when it happened.

• The Age of Innocence is the first time I announce that all that s/he stuff is crap and from that moment on I've usually just used "he" even though I mean either gender. The post is about virtual connection, touching and listening.

• Damn Starks Always Right Is about winter, troubles with health and quitting smoking. Unfortunately my few years of none smoking was gruesomely ended not long after my relationship had as well. So now I'm the weirdo at work who's the only one taking smoke breaks.

• Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle All the NO! is about Christmas and dreaming.

• In the End, Does It Even Matter? is about getting advice and giving them. It's about caring and almost like a new years resolution. It was a nice trip to memory lane for me to read this and be reminded how I felt just a year and a half ago.

• Storytime! is my favorite (not)kids story about a monster that eats yesterdays.

• 50 Shades Of Carl is about agreeing, disagreeing and arguments (with Bresh, that poor bastard has had to bare so many conversations about ethics) and it's about moral grey areas.

• Content Ever After is about the list of what we (me) want out of a relationship and how hard it is to find someone to match those lists with. After a year and a half I still wonder about the happily ever after and would it be better to know if it's not going to happen to me.

• Not For Thin Skinned is about circumcision.

• If You Can Dream It, You Can Do It is about a dream and being passionate.

• Alone In the Dark is about virtual connection in public places.

• Kids, This Is a Story of How I Didn't Meet Your Father is about dating and how sweet gestures are creepy if both are not as interested in each other. The song of that day was Bill Withers' "Just the two of us".

• I'm No Wise Man, but I Know a Few is a collection of inspirational quotes.

• Sha La Lala La is about the upcoming new year and the song of the day was "Kiss the Girl" from Little Mermaid.

• Captains Log, Day 1 is about the social games we play and how to deal with them.

• Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall is about different types of personalities in one person. It's the first time I call myself a mix of the beast and Belle: Beastelle.

• Sweet Dreams is about sleeping and dreaming.

• Risky Business is about dicks and the sizes of them. The song of the day was Lily Allen's "Not Fair".

• Starter is about the starter account on WoW.

• Once I Had a Heart is about shattering pain.

• Selfish Selfish is about a certain new year's resolution to not stick my nose into other people's business' and about probing people mentally.

• How Can We Be Friends? is about can guys and gals be friends through a personal story.

• Love Sees No Color is about the ideal partner and how it fits reality. The songs of the day were Pet Shop Boys' "You Choose" and Celine Dion's "It's all coming back to me now".

• Not So Simple is about guildies, friendship and what makes a relationship something more than a friendship.

• Fear and Loathing is about a big bad wolf called Russia and the fear we have towards it.

• The Stone I Carved My Heart Into is about being bored. Very boring post to be honest.

• It's Bitter but the Fruit is Sweet starts badly with whining but ends in good point about patience being the answer to desperation. The song of the day was Dreamgirls' "Patience".

• A Boy Who Wanted to Be a Real Puppet is about how much weight we put on penetration and why geeks don't have dates. The song of the day was "I'll make a man out of you" from Mulan. Pretty solid post, me thinks.

• The Things We Say for Love is about the worst encounters I've had on dating sites. The app I mentioned turned out to be Tinder and I was positively surprised how well it worked. But then again just last week some dude wanted to know if I liked doggystyle and when I didn't answer I got messages:

"Don't you like doggy?"

"???"

"Hello"

"At least answer". 

Nope. Ain't gonna. Sorry, brah.

• The Big Blue is my ode to a rare in WoW. Beautiful poem. Reading it makes me tear up.

• Desert Island is about being stranded on a deserted island. Kinda.

• Monsters Inc. is when it hit me that I'm the problem. Songs of the day were "Tomorrow" from the movie Annie and Becky G's "Problem".

• Unchain My Heart is about feeling good with the years I've spent on this planet and what I'm looking for on my travels. Song of the day was Titiyo's "Come along".

• The Eternal Waiter is about the metal music in my life and the struggle to just wait things to happen. Songs of the day were Entwine's "Falling apart" and Ensiferum's "Eternal Wait".

• This Ain't Your Fairytale is about how hard it is to talk about love.

• Happy, Happy, Happy..? is about what songs can make us feel. The songs of that post were Pharrell Williams' "Happy" and Louis Armstrong's "What a wonderful world". The post is also about the difference of being truly happy or being just comfortable.

• A Little Name Calling is about sextourettes and the fuckprotective law. Songs of the day were Oily Murs "Dear Darlin'", David Guetta ft. Akon's "Sexy Bitch" and Dylan from Modern Family singing "Imagine me naked".

• You Wouldn't Download 1001 Nights is about virtual connection and how it's nice to be able to like people who are obnoxious irl since you can't see their bad habits or smell their unbrushed breath. Gives me a chance to have friends too! (kidding)

• Like Sand Through Hourglass, So Are the Days of Our Lives is about how getting old sucks because it feels like time is running out. It's also about having children but what kind of mom would make the song of the day to be Children of Bodom's "Mask of sanity"...

• Sounds of Music is about lyrics.

• Curriculum Vitae is about how my life would look like if it was a life application (compare to job application). It's about regret and shame and how one should overcome all that.

• Pet the Bones is about considering wether we truly are infatuated by a certain someone or are we just looking for something that would look good on us. Songs of the day were Jewel's "You were meant for me" and Carole King's "It's too late".

• What Women Want is about a theory of senses that you can use to entice the opposite sex with. The post is written with a spoonful of tongue in cheek.

• Dictures is about dick pics. How nothing is sexual until we make it sexual and that applies to willies too. The song of the day was Lonely Island's "Dick in a box". Once I got a dickie from a guy I didn't know and judging the surroundings I was worried that he might be underaged. I don't want anything to do with childpornography so if you're young, please don't send me a dong shot. Wait a few years, they will be appreciated when you dick is legal.

• The Price of Love is about life after love and questions about the price of it. Songs of the day were White Lies' "Price of love" and Hurriganes' "I will stay". I recommend checking out the comments section also, it got interesting.

• Vial of the Sands is a WoW related post on the mats one needs to acquire the Sandstone drake.

• After You is about... I don't even know. I have to read this first. Hold on a second... I usually remember from the topic what I've been babbling about... Oh! It's about funeral arrangements. What a happy subject indeed. Songs of the mourn were Nick Cave's "Into my arms" and Hammerfall's "Remember yesterday".

• Say My Name is about names and what trouble forgetting them can cause you. Funny story. The example I'm giving there about forgetting your partners name... that happened to me. Songs of the day were Destiny's Child's "Say my name" and Paul Simon's "You can call me Al".

• Second-handed is about an interesting documentary I saw about virginity. It's a bunch of questions that should be read slowly and thoughtfully. The song of the day was Nightwish's "She is my sin".

• Does Age Really Matter? is about how we see the teenage years a modern bootcamp where the rookies can be ridiculed.

• Propaganda is about what I know about the war in Israel and about propaganda. The song of the day was conveniantly "Propaganda" from the game Beyond good and evil.

• Burn is about daydreaming and lighting a fire in you because of someone wrong for you. There's also a poem that's actually not half bad, now that I read it a year later. Song of the day was Ellie Goulding's "Burn".

• Wut Is Luv is about making a difference between love and obsession. It's about daydreaming, then getting mad, mad at yourself, then at him, then the whole world and finally you decide to forget the whole thing.

• Cheesy is about what if's and is it better's. It's about hearing the perfect things from the wrong person. It's about love. And the comment section is interesting also. Song of the day was Natalie Imbruglia's "Torn".

• Wut Is Luv, pt. 2 is the continuation of my thought process about love. It starts as I would have totally different opinion about the matter than last time, but if the reader is patient enough the ending will explain what I mean. Song of the day was "Lucky" by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat.

• Better to Whisk than Wither is a motivational post about taking control of your own life. The songs of the day were James Brown's "This is a mans world" and Gotye ft. Kimbra's "Somebody that I used to know".

• Love, Lust, Desire is about want, love and sex. As always when I write about sex, I distance myself from it by not telling too much about what happens in my own bedroom. I should probably take my own advice and talk about sexuality even more openly, and hope that the rest will follow. Song of the day was Lullacry's "Love, lust, desire".

• Who's Next? is about bullying in general and what's left outside the public conversation. The song of the day was Manic Street Preacher's "If you tolerate this your children will be next".

• Wordplay is about spooning and boners. Song of the day was Jason Derulo's "Talk Dirty". Comment section might also teach you athing you didn't know. At least I did!

• The Silence of Noise is about being used to sounds outside and inside. There were two songs for that day, but I can't remember what the other one was and the link doesn't work anymore. The other one is Thomas Newman's song from the movie American Beauty.

• Let Me Paint You a Picture is a post with plenty of pictures and a rant about not being good enough for anyone. The song of the day was Hannah Montana's (or Miley Cyrus, if you will) "One in a million".

• The Stink is a short post about lyrics. The songs were Sonata Arctica's "Misery" and J. Geils Band's "Love Stinks".

• A Road to Lyrics is a post yet again about how meaningful lyrics can be. This time from the perspective of a Finn. Song of the day was Neljä Ruusua's "Tie ajatuksiin".

• I Like You but I Don't Love you is a post about my trip to Turkey and overall what makes me travel. Song of the day was Bobby Summer's "Jabba jabba".

• Love Is to Lay Yourself Open to Loss is about being afraid and the other side of fear. Not my best work, tbh.

• Lemme Marry You Pls is about everyone's right to marry. Songs of the day were Bruno Mars' "Marry you" and Depeche Mode's "Personal Jesus".

• Wink Wonk is about flirting and crushes.

• Can I Crash and Burn on You? is about an upcoming blind date. We had a good 24h date and we never saw each other again. He ended up dating my friend for few months, but it turned out he wasn't a momma's boy but totally kept by his collar by his ex. And I never got that ice cream because we met so late that the place was already closed. It was a sign. Songs of the day were Boys town gang's "Can't take my eyes off you", Cyndi Lauper's "Girls just want to have fun" and Roxette's "Listen to your heart".

• Brains Over Boobs is a brief post about how hard dating is.

• What a Strange Ride... is about the songs that have carried me through year 2014. They were Polarkreis' "Allein allein", Weird Al Yankovic's "White and nerdy", Animals' "Don't let me be misunderstood", S.O.A.P's "Not like other girls", Disclosure's "You & me", Flynt Flossy, Yung Humma & Whatchyamacallit's "Treat me like a pirate", In this moment's "Big bad wolf" and Lady Gaga's "The edge of glory". It's also a new years resolution and I'm happy to say I have followed my own advice. Funny sidenote about the guy I "asked" out on a date. He is also one of those I've written about who has made socks spin in my feet for years and years. Right now I'm in a situation that I have to see him a lot and it's quite similar to torture. Not because I fancy him but because I can't be normal around him. No wonder he doesn't like me because he only sees a weird unnatural plastic cover walking around.

• Who's the Biggest Fool of Them All? is about depressing darkness and motivational quotes to carry one through tough times. Songs of the day were Miley Cyrus' "Two more lonely people" and Sturm und drang's "That's the way I am".

• I'm Fine. is about the biggest lie we keep repeating to others and to ourselves. Song of the day was Sentenced's "Excuse me while I kill myself".

• Non-hit Wonder is about hit songs we all probably know and listening to those uplifts spirit for some weird reason. Songs of the day were Daniel Powter's "Bad day", Eagle-Eye Cherry's "Save tonight", Lara Fabian's "I will love again", Sisqo's "Thong song" and I think the other two were White Town's "Your woman" and... umm... I think it was Kajagoogoo's "Too shy". Maybe.

• I Swear is about the rollercoaster of emotions I keep going through. Song of the day was Journey's "Don't stop believing".

• Dragonborn is about bad, bad Luci who eats geeks for breakfast. As you might know that happened to this guy two. It was short, it was sweet and at least we tried. Song of the day was Carly Rae Jepsen's "Call me maybe".

• Damn Smoochies is a Valentine's day extravaganza with ickylove and winkwonk pics. Song of the day was Ellie Goulding's "Love me like you do".

• I Know You is about the difference in what happens in out head and what we do. It's actually continuation to Dragonborn. And it's a shameless advert to follow my Pinterest walls. Song of the day was Skylar Grey's "I Know you".

• A Shitty Thing is probably the bravest thing I've ever done in my whole life and that is writing about my rumbling stomach. It's the reason I know so much about historical toilets. Personal interest and whatnot, ya know.

• My Life Is a Parody is about my favorite WoW related parody songs. I've wisely listed them in the post so even if the links don't work, they are still traceable.

• And Now We Wait is about writing an application and avoiding sentences everyone uses. Song of the day was from the musical Hair "Manchester".

• Vagina Monologue is about what the title says: lady parts. Mainly about periods. Song of the day was Shania Twain's "Man! I feel like a woman".

• Spoon List is how the story ended for the dragonborn and about regrets. Songs of the day were Kygo's "Stole the show" and Avicii's "Waiting for love". Have you noticed that the most viral songs of this summer have been quite depressing?

• Head-ass-trophy is about why I wanted to get rid of my hair. I actually didn't. It's still in a bag somewhere and I have no idea wether to throw it out or not. My boss said that my current hairstyle represents my personality, but I disagree. Of course I can be sassy but in the end I'm the lady in distress standing on a cliff with her hair waving in the ocean breeze. Song of the day was Skunk Anansie's "Weak". I said that you can touch it and I still agree with that. I tell you not to, but actually I'm totally okay with the head-pats.

• My Mind Is a Ghost Town is a poem that I'm very proud of. For once I feel like I nailed it. What I had in mind I was able to write down and even make it rhyme. Song of the day was Adam Lambert's "Ghost town".

• Paint It Black is my latest post. It's about the dangerous thing: thinking. And romance. Both as dangerous. Especially when combined. It's about how much we in modern society are affected with altered folk stories. Song of the day was Entwine's "Snow white suicide".

That's all my posts. I didn't put here the update posts because they are meaningless now. I appreciated the opportunity to correct some grammar here and there but to be honest, I couldn't be arsed in every post. It was a wild ride indeed filled with ups and downs but also with something concrete themes too. Let's see what the future will bring from now on. Thanks for reading!

Song of the day is this because after reading my own train of thoughts I kinda wanna... Set the world on fire.

Paint it black

There I was, minding my own business, doing my thang, playing with my paints and brushes as I sometimes do. I didn't even think about it much. I was painting the last pieces of furniture I had left into my favorite furniture-color = black, and chatting with my flatmate. But then she stopped my train of thoughts by asking why do I have the need to paint. She also suggested that there might be more to it because I'm painting things black. Every once in a while I get the deep need to change the way I live in a very literal sense. I move, I rearrange my furniture, I paint. I didn't have an answer for her, I don't know why I have the need to surround myself with black in the middle of the summer. And I can tell it's summer because I'm peeling skin off of my burned back as we speak. But it's not like I was baking or cleaning! Few days later I had done the dishes three times, cooked couple of times, vacuumed and washed the floors and whatnot. Oh crap, this was getting serious.

So I started to think and you all know how dangerous thinking is. All this obviously have something to do with worrying about a friend of mine who got bad news. I feel like I'm again left standing there helplessly because I have no idea what to do and I don't want to make the same mistakes as I have done with other friends when they've needed a friend. The only problem is that everyone has their own way of dealing with things so what I did wrong earlier might be the right thing to do now and vice versa. Still I'm determined to yell, hold out signs, scream and hug forcefully or whatever is needed to make sure that my friends know that I'm there for them and I think about them. And whenever they need, I'll be there to tell them that sometimes it's okay to not be okay. Though I'm well aware that there's nothing I can do if the other person doesn't want me to. Ask yourself when's the last time you called someone and said "I feel like shit, could you come over?". My final plan, if nothing else works, is to send nudes to this guy to get him occupied with other things than grief. Think that would work?

I think from time to time we all have the need to turn our gaze inside and just be with ourselves. And I don't necessarily mean a pain that paralyses you. It can be finding focus and motivation in you when the outside world gets too loud. (This is one of those times it's not wise ask me how I'm doing because you only get a long answer with metaphor filled sentences about drowning and falling and... well, just read on and you'll understand.) When I hide inside the dark end of my mind-cave, I think about love. It's my favorite subject. We live in society filled with Disney and romantic comedies, where it's emphasised that true love awaits. I'm glad I watched those because they thought me that there is something magical out there and I'm worth happiness no matter how quirky I am. On the other hand I regret ever watching any of those because time has passed and it still hasn't happened.

I watched How I Met Your Mother from start to the end finally. Watching shows like that always makes me wonder which character would I be. First I thought I'd be like Lily, a bad-ass who devotes her life to long-lasting love and friends. Then I thought I might be a softer version of Barney, awesome of course but a heart-breaker with a consciousness. But then came the episode where Ted asked an important question: "what's wrong with me?" and I realised that the most I resemble him. Fudge. How many times I've thought to myself what's wrong with me, why hasn't it happened? I'm back to the Beauty and the Beast -scenario thinking I'm the problem. But this time with a twist.

When I complained about my love life to Juju she pointed out that maybe my heart isn't open for love and I gotta say that thought has crossed my mind before. Maybe I've met the love of my life already but I somehow have blocked the gates to my heart and never even gave a real chance to that person. Maybe I'm already so broken that no amount of glue can patch up my shattered heart. Maybe the only thing open really is the candy store. I also think I'm spoiled by my past good relationships to have my hopes up high for the everyday life. But the fairy tales have taught me never to lose hope.

The problem with most of the TV shows and movies from my childhood to this point in life is that there's the happily ever after. Monica marries Chandler and even though they can't have kids, they adopt not just one kid but twins. It's implemented that Ted gets not one, but two love of his life and even Barney finds the true meaning of love. Booth dates Bones. Nanny marries Mr. Sheffield. That guy wasn't hit by a car after all. This chick woke up from coma. Even the freaking Donkey falls in love! And it's mutual! Same happens in the books on my shelf. Playing video games would've been much safer because the princess was always in another castle.

I don't know if I'll ever meet the One True Love, the Love Of My Life, the Knight In Shining Pink Armor. I believe in it less and less everyday but still I'm clinging on to some faint hope - I don't believe in it, but I hope it's true. Searching for it gets easier and worse at the same time. Dating is easier now than it was couple of years ago and I think I know more of what I want in a significant other. Also telling the other person that they are not that is easier now than it was before. Meaning that the words come out easier but it feels horrible every time a little more. Making a shatter in your heart or self-esteem or whatever it is that rejection wounds, makes a wound in me too. I never meant to hurt you. You were supposed to be the One. But you are not, I'm sorry.

They say girls shouldn't expect a prince if they are not princess' themselves, but I'm nothing but a princess. Think about it, semirough childhood, pretty when fixed up, whimsical and stubborn, good with animals, scared of the unknown but curious about it, romantic yet brave and old-fashioned. All I need is a weird sidekick. I even have an evil stepmother. So where the hell is my prince?!

You can read more about the evil "media" and "society" for example from Glamour (Though I disagree with the cutlery aspect. I think it's more a lesson of not judging a book or a candlestick by it's cover), from Brandeis (2 pages and even though I agree with the problem I think the solution could also be teaching kids media criticality), or from Michigan News (I don't watch The Bachelor, btw).