Warning signs

If you were forced to wear a warning label, what would yours say?

Mine would probably be a long list of all kinds of things from weak self-esteem when face-to-face with someone to judging others too hard to being gullible to having too much patience with messed up people. We all got our stuff. And many times they contradict each others.

I finally got bored growing my armpit hair and decided that I need something, even a little action in my life. I thought Tinder is not for me right now, I want to be able to know a bit more about the other person. I remember OkCupid to be fun so I thought I'd give it another go. Oh boy... I had forgotten some realities of internet dating while taking a break.

Tinder makes it available to send messages only to those who likes you back. OkCupid has no such filter. I made my profile on Saturday and it's now Tuesday morning and almost thirty people has sent me something. Mostly just "hi". I'm not gonna answer to hi unless you're the freaking pope. Or Johnny Depp. And not just a lookalike, it should be the real deal.

One day I was browsing through apps and I saw an app for online dating guide. And specifically for OkCupid. I didn't know I need an app for it. Guide maybe yeah, but an app? What would the app do? I haven't yet tried it, but I think I must just in the name of science.

I think I've probably written about this topic before, but the online world changes so quickly that it's better update the idea. I've changed also, I'm even more bitter and sarcastic towards online dating so let's see where this combination takes us. When I googled the guide app to find more information, I found this site and thought it's pretty interesting. It's an analysis OkCupid has done about what messages gets most responds. So apparently people answer around 36% of the messages they get. I have now answered around 10% which is four answers in total. One guy just linked me some political stuff so I had to answer him that this is definitely not the best way to advance your agenda. One guy sent such a freaky message that I couldn't help but answer something sarcastic back. At least he had written a lot, though I think it was a copy-paste he sends to a lot of people. But it did not include anything sexual, nothing about my looks and it had more than one line of text so it deserved an answer. I like to encourage such behaviour even though the message and probably the person is just a huge joke.

I took a few screenshots of my inbox, but I must warn you: it's not a pretty sight. The lack of imagination and personality (both being personal and showing personality) is worth of headache. And I know this is not even that bad! Facebook had automatically given my profile pic to OkCupid and it took me few days to realise it. Guess what my profile pic looks like in FB? Like I'm the michelin man! On purpose of course, but maybe not the most enticing picture for a dating site. Though that proves even more that most of these guys haven't read my profile at all. (If you don't know what a michelin man is, google is your friend)

Okay, it might not have been easy to see what's said in the screenies but the point is most of them are just helloes and not much else. Most of these messages are from foreigners living in Finland. I keep meeting people like this, probably because I don't care where people are originally from and I think OkCupid is more used by non-Finnish speakers. But there's a clear difference (this is a generalisation) how Finnish guys and how foreign guys tries to hit on chicks. The problem is that both of these groups are trying to hit Finnish women (mostly). Finnish guys don't flatter enough or it's so cheesy it sounds like a lie. Foreign guys flatter too much that it starts to sound like empty words very soon.

For some reason many foreign guys think they have to lie about what they want to women to get what they really want. They want to have sex.

D'oh.

I mean, who doesn't?

Not always and not all, of course. But mostly it's on the agenda and really high up on the list. But why make all those speeches of "I'm so romantic, I'm the most romantic guy in the world, I like to cuddle, I like romantic comedies, I just want to get to know you"? It's crap, and unnecessary. We're in Finland. We don't have a problem with sex. Well okay okay, it's not as big of a problem here. We are somewhat equal which means women can make same decisions as men. I choose who I want to sleep with. I choose when I want to sleep with someone. I choose if I want to see that person ever again after that. Both genders can have casual sex.

So why lie about wanting love when you really want sex? It's unnecessary because there are plenty of women who wants the same thing. But what they want more is honesty. Here's an example that I think shows what the problem is. You can clearly tell where my interest stops like it hit a wall. Though credit to this guy, he was somewhat honest what he was looking for. I just think there should be something else in their heads too. (I have chopped some parts out because they reveal personal things, but this conversation was had within the same hour.)

Don't you just love the question if I was scared? It tickled my old bones in a way that I can't even describe! Because of course being scared is the first reason not to go on a date with someone. Also he didn't tell much about himself but wanted to know personal details about me. If that's not a clear warning sign, I don't know what is.

I think it's important to tell about yourself more than just vague stuff. Like I tell that I work in a museum because I think it tells something about me. But no way am I going to tell first up in what museum I work in. I don't like stalkers and I definitely don't collect them. Though I did just get a closet enough for few skeletons so maybe I should consider it.

The rules listed in the guide are: 1. Be literate. 2. Avoid physical compliments. 3. Use an unusual greeting. 4. Bring up specific interests. And so on. These are tips for how to better get a respond from a potential chatting partner. I don't know about others but I myself am quite bored of having the same conversation of hi's, whats up's and cool story bro's. When I was in England so many people asked me why I was there that I got a bit fed up with it and now I try not to ask it from foreign people. I bet they've already been asked that before.

I don't mind if people are not super literate in their messages but if they have buttloads of spelling mistakes in their profile tells me that they just don't care. My profile picture is showing pretty much half of my face or something along those lines, which is why I hate the physical compliments even more. You haven't seen me, you haven't met me, how on earth would you know if I'm pretty or beautiful or face full of tenderness (wtf is that even?). I probably just have a good picture. Like most women do. We tend to care what we look like on a dating site. Because we want to get dates. So we pick the best pic. Not everyone is so careful though and here's an example of one guy. This is partly because of the language barrier but it's also a lazy profile. Hilarious in its lazyness though.

He's so romantic that one thing he couldn't do without is his mother. Sometimes I wonder if it's (again) a cultural thing, maybe we understand the word romantic differently. Maybe to some people being romantic is being sexual or sexy. Maybe the fairytales about knights and princesses and castles haven't reached all places, maybe the western rom-com idealism hasn't poisoned everyones mind just yet. Or maybe some people just don't know how to use a dictionary.

Anyways, maybe this was enough bashing of those poor blokes who are out there just trying to find love, even for a one brief moment. They will not stop until they have gotten that brief moment, and then you'll never hear from them again. Seriously, don't insult my intelligence by telling me things that are clearly not true. Nor fool me to believe something that is a lie and hurt my pride with it, because it's not necessary. This is Finland, land of loose and intelligent  women.

Damn, it happened again. I was supposed to write about something totally different but I guess this is what came out. Let's have a song of the day while we wait for another time when I write about what I was gonna originally. Better make it a long song...

I wanted the song to be Indiscriminate murder is counter productive by Machinae Supremacy but unfortunately blogger doesn't want to link it here, so let's keep it casual instead and link something funny like She said OK by Big Boi and friends. Nope, that doesn't work either so how about an old fashioned link to both of them. Be a Finnish woman and choose for yourself!

Indiscriminate murder is counter productive: https://youtu.be/QeXpYee5UhM
She said OK: https://youtu.be/us0OtBFyY_M

I think Blogger is slowly telling me that it's not interested and that I should move on to the modern world of vlogs. Anyone have a good video editing program in mind? Or where to stream, does it cost? Is there a difference between podcasts and vlogs? I'm so out of date with this stuff. I guess that's what I get from being old with a young mind :)

Btw. while writing this blog I got a message saying "You are so stunningly beautiful.". I shrugged and kept writing. Because what the hell should I answer to that?

Thanks? Good to see you had a period in the end of that sentence?

Compliments on physical beauty just don't work. And my personal pet peeve is a question without a question mark.

How are you. What's up. How're you doing. How's your day. Wanna meet up. You think I should cut off my fingers for sending this kind of rubbish to people. Question mark.

Cripples, pt. III

I just had a conversation with a friend about stream of consciousness. If you write it down without editing, could it be a peek into your mind and train of thoughts? He sent me some memories of his travels that were basically just things after things without much description. And I could see them before my eyes. Sometimes we don't need the whole picture, we just need an imagination. And the ability to see with our inner eyes.

I felt bad being so lazy that one time when I posted just my notes. But now I think it might be better to not always explain everything and just let you think what you want out of things. Just now I saw a gif where supposedly a man with down syndrome kicked a little boy and the father of the child who had been further away, knocked the kicker down with a single punch. There's no right answers to that situation. Nothing rarely is black and white. My notes are usually about those things, I guess that's what makes the thoughts so interesting. Some of these I wrote down while I was blabbering for hours on the phone with a friend a while back, so I can't take full credit for all of them.

Responsibility is on the individual.

An intelligent person is not (automatically) a good person.

One can be shy towards other things than just people.

"I knew from the start that you'll break my heart."

Where is the line between feelings and sexual tension? What are the signs?

"You got wisdom to give but you trade it for youth."

He is so smart, it's sexy.

Not to be loved like in the songs, but to love someone so much that you want to sing about it.

"It's a sin. Everything I've ever done, everything I'll ever do, everywhere I'll ever be."

Haste is the enemy of love.

There is no future in the past.

You need someone that doesn't need you to fix them, but someone who needs you nonetheless.

Being happy or being content as a goal of life?

If there really is a hell, I'll be going there.

No judge, no jury, just an execution.

Why do geek guys like older girls? Is it because they think younger chicks only likes makeup and fashion and nothing "smart"?

Save the world by flashing.

There was one more, but that doesn't say much to anyone because it's just "flirting: give/take". Okay, I might have to explain at least the last one. The flashing thing I saw in a documentary about vulva (I watched a penis documentary too and I was happy to see that cosmetic surgery has taken steps forward since the last documentary I saw. It's still crazy as hell, but I can still appreciate innovations).

In the documentary there was a journalist who had dove in deep to the world and history of female body parts. She had come across an ancient story of a Greek goddess Demeter who was sad because her daughter was kidnapped. A woman named Baubo then told her some lewd jokes and finally flashed her. That made the goddess laugh which was a good thing because her being sad made the world stay in a state of winter and all that. Apparently the goddess was raped trying to find her daughter who was imprisoned by Hades and probably raped as well. Greek mythology, always so cheerful.

Anyway, the world would be a better place if people laughed more. I'm pretty sure if us girls started to flash to people, it would be hilarious. So inappropriate as well, but nevertheless hilarious. Save the world by mooning your front side will become one of my mottos. Also I think if we saw genitalia in non-sexual situations more often, a world would be a better place. You can read more about goddess Demeter for example here.

The song of the day is Ramalama (bang bang) by Róisín Murphy. This time on Vimeo because someone had made an amazingly crazy video for it. Link here: https://vimeo.com/59360041

Another brick on the wall

Yesterday at work we talked about how us Finns are so neurotic for being right. If we can't do a good job, we don't do it at all. That's why we shy from talking other languages. Almost everyone in Finland knows some other language enough to at least survive with it. If a group of random Finns were thrown to a place and country unknown to them, they could be home in no time, because one of them can communicate in French, one in German, one in Russian, one can read Greek alphabet and one has roots in Middle-East and remembers some Arabic. And of course they all speak both Swedish and English. But they won't, since they can't use the language because they don't do it perfectly. We do nothing half-assed, we won't even live the life we're handed because we might mess it up. So better keep the expectations low.

I've been thinking about expectations a lot lately. I think in some way the time in England freed me. For the past few years I've battled more and more between who I am and who I should be in the sight of my friends, society, destiny... I've been in a glass cage of knowing people want something of me. They want me to be something. And I've found out that is a lie. Or if they do want me to be something, it's something totally different than I thought. My teenage years have screwed me over big time and I've been trying to fix it ever since. Being in a foreign country with people who don't know me was a huge step closer in accepting that people likes me for who I am. And they actually likes the real me a lot more than the fake me. I don't know why it is so hard to accept that I'm not perfect as a person, but I can still be a pretty cool gal.

I have fought against the artist in me. In a way I've thought the time has passed and I'm too late. I will never become anything. But I never wanted to be a Hollywood star. And time is a bonus for a thinker. The older you are, the more you've had time to think. And maybe in the end you can make something sensible out from all of it. I've tried to look like everyone else so I won't be recognised as "one of those people". You know, those people who lives inside their heads. Those people that are not really here. Those people who have lots of colors and flowers and pictures of kittens in their clothes. And hats. Preferably huge hats. I've been so afraid of getting that stamp on my forehead that I have chained myself to the ground thinking that flying is forbidden. That people will judge me and shun me from their society if I dare to be what I am. And all this time I could have been reaching for the stars. For example if I had committed to painting or writing, I wouldn't be Picasso or Shakespeare, but I could be pretty good because of all the practicing. Maybe I had published a book. Or held a little show in an art gallery. No more excuses, it's time to start flying.

I don't know why we think we know what other people think. Especially what they think about us. Why do we assume so many things without asking, without hearing the answer. Just believing something is not worth as much as the truth, as we Finns would say. When I was a teenager they said not to believe everything you hear, or not to believe everything they say, but why didn't anyone say don't believe what they think either.

I'm not saying I would be a famous artist if I hadn't wasted time with not being myself, but I might be happy now. I fought the wrong battles and thinking they would improve me, they made me more miserable. I'm that kind of a person who will never find peace, the inner struggle is too strong. But maybe I can find passing moments of serenity and over-all happiness. Especially if I don't waste time looking back how much time I've wasted. Maybe in a couple of decades when my friends are getting old and worried, I'll be drinking from the fountain of youth, thinking I've "found the truth inside after all the tears I've cried". In an old poem I wrote "I didn't know, by selling my soul, I couldn't grow old, nobody told" but I got that wrong. Selling my soul made me ancient, and when I got released from my contract I got young again.

Did that make any sense or was I unsuccesful bringing my thoughts from the clouds to the general area? I'll try to make more sense from now on: The other day my friend asked if I was interested to go on a boat trip to Croatia this summer. Hell yeah I'm interested! What could be more fun than laying in the sun for a week and swim in the crystal clear ocean? And then I heard who else is going and suddenly I came up with dozen of other things I could do with the money. Here's the list:

I could go fix my teeth so they would be straight. I don't know why they didn't fix them at the dentist when I was young. Maybe they weren't crooked enough. It's an expensive and long process, but one trip could cover the costs. And then I could actually have my teeth "lined up like a pearl necklace" as my last dentist lied to me.

I could finally get a hair extention. For long I've been dreaming of long, long, looooong hair. I like my short hair and sometimes I wonder if I should keep shaving it off because it's so much easier to upkeep that way, but a long beautiful hair would be a whole different story.

I could almost get a driver's license with that money. Not entirely but a lot of it anyway. I don't have a car and I don't know why would I need a license, but that's still something I could do. Or I could learn how to ride a motorcycle. I could buy a scooter and wroom wroom around the town. Okay, a used scooter, but a scooter nontheless. Though the public transportation is so good here that I wouldn't really need it. So maybe not useful but it could still be fun.

I could go to a spa and have all kinds of treatments. I could travel to England and Denmark to meet all of my friends. I could travel somewhere else. I was just last summer in Croatia and I want to see as many countries I can while on this earth.

I could furnish my apartment as I wish. I could buy painting equipment and turn my studio into a studio. I could get a canvas covering a whole wall and just paint all my troubles away.

I could pimp my computer. Buy gadgets. I could buy 20 pairs of quality leggings with that money. I could buy, buy, buy, but I already have so much stu... crap. I would rather get rid of it than get more. And experiences are worth more than any amount of money.

I could go to a concert or two, go on a party cruise here, travel in Finland meeting friends and relatives. I could have a proper vacation for a change and do absolutely nothing.

I could save up for a rainy day.

I could donate the money to a charity and solve all world's problems with it. Or I could go do volunteer work abroad and buy the plane tickets with that money.

I could hire a personal trainer and get fit. Or I could take dance classes. Or take singing lessons.

I could get a tattoo. I've been dreaming of a big and painful one

But the one thing I want the most is not something I can buy. One thing I want more than travel is to find love. We speak about finding love, but is love really hiding somewhere? Or is it all around us but we just don't see it. Love is blind, they say, but I think we as people are more blind...

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...and that's where I stopped writing a month ago. I was supposed write it later but then I got new ideas and I couldn't write more posts until this one was finished and I didn't have the inspiration for this one anymore. So I never finished this and never will. I will probably one day post something about the thing I was gonna write but now I have to post this before the blog gets so cold it can freeze hell.

Here's the song of the day. I heard it in Elementary and liked it. It's not connected to anything, but it's a good song and I want you to like it too. And how can you like a song, if you've never heard it?