Spoon list

I have been awfully busy lately. I'm trying to wrap things up so I can graduate and there has been all kinds of extra things at work. Too much stress doesn't really make one a happy person and I have to learn to balance my shit.

In the past few weeks I have had one true moment of happiness. I took my bike to a shop to be repaired since someone had stolen my mudguard during the winter. After I left the shop I walked home the longer route. I walked through this park with plenty of grass, some rocks and few trees. It felt blissful and even though I have always considered myself a city girl, I was reminded of how much I need nature in my life. I guess it's a Finnish thing. We born in forests, we live in forest, we live out of forests, we are the forest. Breathing in the clean air and enjoying the sun made me more happy than I have been in a while.

And then it hit me, a little park can make me happier than my new relationship. I opened the conversation and long story short I felt like I was dumped. (Don't believe everything I write, actually it was a mutual talk and there's no bad blood.) Now I have to face the next decade in my life alone, but for some reason it scares me lot less than I thought. I guess I had already grew into the whole independent thing. I also realised that this is not the best time in my life to have a relationship. I just don't have time and energy for it and I'm leaving the country for few months in the fall. So I dedicate this summer to meaningless flirting and girly giggles. I get back to the relationship thing again next year. I want to say I'm giving up on men totally but we all know that's never gonna happen. I've watched too many Disney movies and romcoms not to believe in love.

A friend of mine had written a note in FB with the title Don't Be Afraid of Life. She said that a playlist in youtube (The Ultimate Cheesy Pop) reminded her of the carefree years of her youth. She says there were two moments in her life when she had to make a difficult decision and that she made mistakes then. The two biggest regrets. No wonder she was reminded of mistakes while listening to that playlist...

I tried to think of my biggest regrets in life but I couldn't come up with anything. They are not something I have done, but things I have not done. It's odd that she wrote about that because similar things have gone through my head. Maybe it's the beginning of summer that reminds us with sunshine of how much better things could be or what but there's definitely something in the air.

I wrote a bucket list the other day. It's called that because you write down things you want to do before you hit the bucket. (In Finnish it's sometimes translated to "spoon list" because you don't hit a bucket in Finland, you throw your spoon in the corner.) It's time to start doing those things on my list so I can one day die without regrets of things I didn't do.

Things on my list are pretty average. I want to get a tattoo, shave my hair, bungee jump, travel around the world, visit a skyscraper, fly in a private jet, see something that blows your mind, sing in an (empty) stadium and so on. I can't remember if I ever had more than a three course meal so one day I want to try at least an eight course meal. I want to spend a week on a deserted island totally nekkid. I want to get married one day. I don't necessarily have to have a wedding, I just want to know how it feels like to me Mrs someone.

I want to give a kiss to someone from a royal family. I want to do something good, if not something big then at least multiple small things that might not be seen but makes others around me feel good. I want to be able to help my mother to become a grandmother. I sometimes can't breath when I think that she's not going to experience that because of my decisions. That such a big thing is so totally dependent on other people. But then again, one day I want to hire an escort or a gigolo or whatever they are called and let that person take me to the most amazing date and make me feel like the world revolves only around me. Because sometimes it's not about someone else, sometimes we ourselves need to be made special.

Single and ready to face the world. Maybe not so positive but at least optimistic.

I tried to translate a bit what Miss P wrote (hope she won't be offended):

"We all have had the same spark since our youth. For some the spark is blown out in the winds of life. Some of us kills ourselves in the fear of the destruction from the flames. For some lucky ones the inner fire will burn their whole lives. For some it takes a long time before that spark will turn into proper flames. -- In the end life is nothing but a flash of light that dies down fast. Only a fool would hide from it voluntarily. Don't be afraid of life."

Vagina monologue

I might be known as the dick pic chick but I am just as curious about the other gender's genitals. The only difference is that I have a vagina and dicks are just a thing that visits between my legs. The waves of curiosity happened over a decade ago when it comes to female body parts. Why this is relevant now is not a long story but because I like my stories long, I will start with a side tour.

People react to stress and changes in their life differently. I myself notice differences in my body often when times are rough, but also when I'm sitting on a pink cloud. One psychologist once said in class that the reason why our tummies turn upside down by stress can be traced back to the deep dark seas of evolution. She said that monkeys empty their stomach when danger approaches. For example when a lion is prowling a monkey, the monkey dashes and simultaneously releases everything possible on the ground in hopes that the predator would slow down to sniff the pile of crap and the monkey could escape. Stress reflexes are a reaction to danger, so from now on when you are nervous about a job interview or an exam and your stomach starts to rumble, you can comfort yourself that even your ancestors had the same problem.

Lately I've thought a lot about periods. Mostly because I'm a week late and not pregnant (yes, I checked). Stress can do that to a person. Well, not for guys but you know what I mean. Hormones aren't really a stable thing in a human being so they can pretty much flip with your lifestyle. What you eat makes a difference and so does what you think. The more I think how late I am the more I know they will be late. Never have I ever been this late in my life.

Some women have very irregular cycle but my body has worked like a clock for years. Give or take a day or two they have come and gone as they should've. I use this one great app to keep track of my bodily functions and the app can usually predict my periods rigorously. You can only imagine the increasing panic when the days just go by and nothing comes out. What I've read in the interwebs I should call a doctor if another week goes by. Until then I keep biting my nails.

It is so unfair that this nasty thing keeps me waiting and what is more unfair is the happiness I will feel when they finally do start. It's kind of funny to be joyous of having pain and bleeding. Many times I've thought about how it would feel like to have a dingdong hanging down there but just lately I have started to think how to explain periods to someone who never had them. So let's start with facts.

Periods usually start when a girl is 10 to 15 years old and they last until the same girl is already a lady with a fine age of 45 to 50 years. This means thirty to forty years of bleeding roughly once a month. That's around 400 periods in one lifetime. Imagine that. That's 400 cups of blood and other more gross stuff. The amount of pain many women suffer cannot even be measured. Imagine you would drink gasoline every 20 to 35 days and then let it burn in you for 5 to 7 days. And then imagine you open your agenda or calendar or whatever you use for planning something in the future. Nope, you can't go to a beach vacation that time because you have to drink the gasoline. Oh look at that, your birthday and gasoline days are in the same day, what fun. Don't even think of babysitting those preschoolers that day, you know how agitated you get before the gasoline drinkin' time. Yes, your stomach is full of burning gasoline but that's no excuse to skip work so suck it up and get going! And you do this constantly. Daily.

And then there's the whole pads/tampons/mooncup thing. The cost of them and what to do with them. Is there a trash can somewhere, is it taken out frequently enough, when do I have time to boil this cup, has this tampon been there for how many hours or will I get TSS. And don't get me started on all the damn dogs who wants to sniff my crotch ffs.

Everything has two sides. So does periods. I can't explain the pain nor the nuisance of periods but at the same time I can't explain how good it feels when you're in pain and a warm purring cat lays on your tummy happily comforting you. I can't explain the feeling of knowing that I can bear children. My body is capable of making new humans into this world and because of that miracle I have periods.

But all the chicks already knew all that. Let's move on to the things you might not know. First of all, because the cycle is not 30 days to everyone and not every month has 30 days, periods don't always come on the same date. That doesn't mean they're late. Also that is a good reason to mark them down every time, not just for the crotch poking doctor who will ask about them. And if you're sexually active you are easily alarmed about pregnancy.

The biggest reason for missing periods is pregnancy. There are other reasons too. Stress, weight loss, weight gain, overweight, underweight (is that even a word?), hormonal contraception, violently exercising and so on. Apparently untreated celiac disease is one possibility too. Tumors and diseases can make them stop coming entirely. One weird month is okay they say, but if you skip two periods, really really go see a crotch poking doc.

Blood contains iron and because the blood is exiting your body, the iron goes with it. This means you can get anaemic which is why it's important to eat properly. If you're tired, pale and get sore muscles it might mean you have clotting problems in your blood and it's yet again time to go see the doc. There are lots of ways to reduce pain while on periods. Drinking lots of water can help with the pain as should regular pain medication. Moving around helps too. I remember once I woke up at six in the morning and was afraid I would wear out the rug for walking in circle for hours. But it did help #noregrets.

You can get pregnant during periods but it's very unlikely. They say there are no "safe days" and it's true. There are also no 100% guaranteed contraception. To reach 100%, I'm pretty sure you have to use at least two different methods. Maybe then it's one in the million and you know what Terry Pratchett says when the chance is one in the million...

I googled "periods late not pregnant" just now and got 32,400,000 results so it's safe to say I'm not alone with this problem. Though the professionals say that if you miss your periods, always assume you're pregnant first. It's like shoot first, ask later.

Easiest way to notice we're all individuals is ask them about their bodily functions. There are loads of similarities but no two of a kind. There are as many different types of dicks as there are guys and same goes for vaginas. Male circumcision can be a choice of beauty and there is a similar thing for women. Some (especially porn stars) have their labia surgically altered to match the beauty standards of society. This is yet again TMI but if I ever went through plastic surgery, that's probably the thing I would. But why, you ask, no one can even really ever see it. One day I will tell you, fine reader, but let's not be too personal after all.

Hopefully with this monologue I managed to tell something new about the beautiful female reproduction system to both genders without making anyone too grossed out.