Not so simple

Long time, no see!

It's odd how prioritising goes. I started a new job and school is overpowering my thoughts as well. I still some miraculous way have time to play. I've been a little worried about the guild since it's been a bit quiet lately. That tells me it's time to recruit new people and try to keep it alive until next expansion. It will get more busy closer to summer again. Then it will quiet down in the summer and pick up again in the fall. The cycle of guilds.

It's weird to think how long some of us have been playing together. Even the guild itself will be one year old in few months. I have no idea how to celebrate that but I guess it has to be something with maximum extravaganza! I'm still confused how I ended up leading a guild and that the guild has been as successful as it has. I'm proud, but sometimes I sneak to other characters to cheat. I think my absence might have something to do with the guild being little more quiet, but I blame few others too for being away. Then again, I think it's good to have breaks and then come back to your friends. Good friends will be there later and understand that no one can play same shit day after day for months.

On Valentine's day we shared a lot of luffs and cuddles all around in the guild. Valentine's is actually called "friend's day" here in Funland. And with that awkward transition I move on to the topic I really wanted to write today about. Lately I've been having many conversations with people around me about what is the thing that separates friendship from relationship. Most common answer has something to do with sex.

I think there can be friends with certain benefits without it being a relationship. And there can be a relationship without sex. Of course sex is the easiest thing to make the segregation but I don't think that's the whole truth. I think closer to the truth is the want and need to share your whole life with the other person you are in a relationship. You want to know what the other has been eating that day, how he slept, what has he been thinking about, who did he talk to and what overall did he do.

With friends there's usually something in common that you talk about or do together. I don't have many friends that I talk with about every little thing in my life and those who I do, I don't have sex with. So I guess it's a perfect combination of both: Sharing your whole life and having a physical relationship is what makes two people (or more - I don't judge) a couple. But it can also be just an agreement: people agree they are in a relationship and then they are.

I think it is very important to agree on that. It excludes the possibility of cheating without knowing it and the confusion of other people. I don't mean you have to define your relationship for other people, that's none of their business if you don't want it to be. I mean that it's good the two of you know where you stand and it has to be a mutual agreement. You can't be in a relationship with a person who doesn't want it. Simple as that.

One of my friends told me that there's a saying that the person you end up with most likely has somehow been in your life before you turned 25 years. That thought kinda freaks me out and made me go through all the people I know and wonder if anyone of those would be a person I could see myself with. And I'm sad to say, not many passed the imaginary test.

Love sees no color

We all have our standards for beauty. I've always liked dark-haired, brown-eyed, maybe little pale guys. The thing that puzzles me though is that every guy I've had a relationship has been a blond with green or grey eyes. I think the times I've ever even kissed a brown-haired guys are countable by two fingers.

I was out on a date with this blond guy couple of days ago. He seemed nice and many ways reminded me of my ex. I'm not really sure is that a good or a bad thing, but apparently I have some features that reminded him of his ex. We ended up briefly talking about being attracted to same kind of people most of the time.

Makes me wonder is it a vicious cycle to date guys that are quite similar, in my case blond, geekish and very fond of thinking differently. Have I been so close, yet so far all this time or just way off? Should I break the cycle and find a guy who is more to my standards of ideal guy or poke and see if the kind of a guy I usually end up with is the one for me after all?

I'm not quite sure if we really truly choose who we end up falling in love with, but there certainly is a threshold. A point you know that will lead towards deeper feelings if you cross it. And the choice is yours. Most of the time I think we willingly cross it, even though we know it most likely ends up badly. Ends up in listening to sad music, bad dreams and heartaches.

But we keep crossing the threshold. Because we would do anything for love (except that one thing, ofc).

Because there's no better feeling than feeling love and being loved.
It's risky, but we can't have it if we don't try.