To be or to be alone, the tale of the overthinker

Long time, no complaints. Hello again!

I haven't had any kind of a crush in a long time. Ever since I broke up with the Viking, it's been quiet in all fronts when it comes to love, sex or even flirting. I've only kissed one guy since, and it just didn't feel right. I didn't get the right butterflies, only the nervous kind. And it all felt just... wrong. Not a right fit, even though this guy is a lovely guy. 

I thought it was too soon. I've been such a mess, and not in a hot way, for years now. I've been considering living the rest of my life without the spark, because everything gets so complicated every time there's any feelings involved.

I'm not saying relationships have to be complicated, I mean that if your mental capacity to handle emotions is all wonky, catching the feels can be almost exhausting, and definitely confusing.

On to the story then.

So, I've been flirting with this guy over the internet. He knows little to nothing about me, and I about him, but the past few days has brought me to life in a way I had totally forgotten that flirting could do. It's like being a teenager again. I forgot I had hormones!

But work is super stressful right now and I don't have time to wake up in the middle of the night to think of his... well... penis. I'm as focused as a banana the same moment I log out of work stuff.

I don't know what to do! Should I cut the flirting out or ride it out and see how long it'll last? Nip it in the bud before it gets even more complicated? Or enjoy the waves of feeling something?

Birds sing. I can hear music. I want to write again. Life feels good. Is it worth it? Will the downfall destroy me? Even if it's nothing, nothing serious AT ALL, it might still be more than my fragile self can handle.

Why am I such a mess?

If you don't heal what hurt you, you'll bleed on people who didn't cut you.

But then again, when in doubt, choose life.

Aaaargh! Confusion is thy name!

Send help.

Valentine's Day Extravaganza pt. 3

 Hello hello hello again!

It's been four years (me thinks) since we've celebrated the smoochies, so here we go again! With a twist this year, of course, because it's 2021 after all.

So I put on my "Sad but nice" playlist and went through all my files I have gathered through the years.

Did you know that in Finnish we call this day the day of friends? And in Swedish it's the day of hearts. To me it just tells that it's not that simple at all. But this day can be metal as hell!

But seriously, it's a different time. I mean of course, because we can't go back in time. Still, we live in a weird age.

We can't really do things "normally", so we have to adjust.

I find it helpful to think positive.

Unfortunately, it doesn't always work.

I'm in the process of both trying to figure myself out and also so fed up with online dating.

They say love won't come find you from home and you should go out there to look for it, but I think this pandemic is proving everyone wrong.

Last year has taught us so much about couch potatoes and how wonderful it can be just to be at home and bond over mundane, regular stuff.

In the end it's a great day how ever you choose to celebrate it.

Maybe you have someone to cuddle with forever. Maybe it's just for today. Maybe you don't have one at all or maybe you don't even want one. That's all fine, no matter what your situation is, you can still celebrate this day and make someone feel loved.

Happy day of friends, hearts and love!