Content ever after

This is going to be a single life rant again, so stop reading right now if that doesn't interest you at all.

I'm old-fashioned in the way that I want my men (or well, just one man) to be older than me. I feel like I'm in a horrible age for that though since all the guys over thirty seems so... over thirty. And all the guys few years younger than me mostly seems like boys, not men. It's also getting harder and harder to tell the other persons age, but I guess that's a good thing since it means age difference is starting to mean less and less. But not less enough.

So how to find a person that I could hit it off with perfectly, that would accept me as who I am and I would feel comfortable with, who would be fashionably gentleman but still playing silly games and up for a pillow fight, who could take responsibility but wouldn't be too serious, who would go outside the house and would drag me there too, who would fix a broken furniture but knew I could totally do it myself too, who would love my cooking and my baking but wouldn't mind that it takes me a little while to clean up after me, who I wouldn't kick in the spine in my sleep (yup, done that), who wouldn't drink or smoke (if he smoked, I would end up smoking again too), who would want to marry me and have children with me and I would want the same with him, and so on. How do people find a person who fits almost everything on their "lists"?

Of course some things are more important than others. I don't think I could give up having children for anyone, but maybe I wouldn't have to get married if the other person could show his willing to commit otherwise. And I might be able to learn how to clean after baking if I really had to. Maybe.

I've been told all my life that I judge people too harshly. So I wonder, is this me judging people - or haven't I judged enough before, since none of my relationships have lead to "happily ever after"?

If there even is going to be a happily ever after for me. I sometimes wish I could see into the future and be sure if I get kids or marriage or a life long relationship. I don't think it would kill me if those things wouldn't happen, but it would be much easier if I knew it now so I could be prepared. I think there might be few things I'd choose differently if that was the case.

Would you do things differently if you knew you were going to be alone the rest of your life?

I also keep thinking what's the difference between friendship and relationship. It can't be just the bed-stuff but what else is there. Is there more physical and mental closeness in a love-relationship than in a friendship?

Is there more questions in life than there are answers? Will I lay in my deathbed one day and be all "yay, got all the answers, achievement unlocked, afterlife here I come!"?