My life is a parody

Lately I've been totally focusing on work and school. Totally. Ahem.

So what I've really been doing is writing WoW parodies of famous songs. It seems like I'm most of the times inspired to write something and since my single life has ended and there's not much to tell about me in the blog (without invading someone else privacy too), I've been focusing my writing elsewhere. I've been actually playing a lot more lately. Not just logging on and chatting but really playing. That's what I get from dating another WoW player.

Maybe next time I'll post my parody lyrics for you, but this time I thought I would spend this space on linking you the best parodies there are. In no particular order, here we go.


Ember Isolte - Ninja raiders (original "Single ladies")

I think Ember Isolte is very good and I enjoy listening to her songs. Music to my ears...

Sharm - Alexstrasza (original "Alejandro")

I don't really like Sharm since she uses so much voice alteration in her songs but this is so impressive lorewise that it can't be dismissed.

Chorister - You give PUGS a bad name (original "You give love a bad name")

Chorister (Darkpippi) has an awesome raspy voice and he does rock parodies. Awesomesauce.

Nyhm, Gigi, the Druidboyz - If You Could Be (is this their original? I don't recognise the song)

Gigi has a fun bubbly voice that can get irritating if listened for too long. But she sounds like she is smiling when she's singing and I think that's a good quality.

Silver Letomi - I'm OP (original "Happy")

Letomi has a great voice. But I don't like any other song from her. Weird, ain't it? But I guess this proves music needs a bit more heart than just beautiful voice.

Quelyth - A different love song (original "Lean back")

I like this one because it has so much attitude and girl power.

There are lots of good other parodies too. Or at least singers, like TamaLala, Kavo and Seiren. But it's not that often witty lyrics meet a good singer. Meaning: there are plenty of funny songs out there that sounds bad but are worth the listen because of the wordplay. Maybe one day I'll do one of my own and then you can trash that.

But until then, here is my favourite and my good morning song.

Lodroth - Manypenny (original the Sponge Bob theme song)

A shitty thing

This one is going to be "too much information" again but in a different way than before. With the wrist problems and allergies, I have managed to get this thing called IBS. It has a gross name, one that I usually don't want to decode to people. But I guess a gross name is suitable for a gross thing. Irritable bowl syndrome. There. I said it.

IBS is a difficult medical problem in a way that there's no way to prove one has it. It's merely excluding everything else that could cause the symptoms and IBS is what is left after that process. The first time I remember having stomach problems was when I was in gymnasium, in English class. I remember the feeling of cold sweat sneaking up on me and my friend asking me if I was okay because I had gone pale. I had to run to the toilet several times during that class. I had a bottle of cola on the desk and the teacher made jokes that of course I needed so many breaks because I drank so much. I wish that had been the case.

For over a decade the stomach problems have been a nuisance. It effects every part of my life. I have to watch out what I eat and not just because I get nauseous but also to keep an overall balance in my tummy. Here is a pretty good list of what I can and cannot eat. It's very close to the one my doctor gave to me. Though the doctor also added mint water and some grains to things that might help.

I need to drink enough water so I don't get dehydrated since diarrhoea is no stranger to me. Sometimes I have no idea which hole the liquid is coming out. Yeah, it's that gross. So I keep a bottle of water with me all the times, especially in the summer when it's warmer. When I leave the house, I make a map in my head of where is the nearest toilet if all hell breaks loose in my stomach. And that's not very easy if I am in a strange city. Or a strange country.

I have somehow managed to get over the shame of going to toilet in a public place. I wish I could say the same when I'm in someones home. Or someone is visiting my home. It's a horrible feeling sitting there being so ashamed because there's no control over the sound effects. It's humiliating.

And then there's the whole dating business. Try to cuddle someone while thinking you might fart at any given point. Or sleep next to someone when you are afraid you're going to wake both of you up with a pffffffrrrrrttt. And if you hold it in, it will hurt like hell. I am a slave to my stomach and it is a cruel dictator.

Routines are very important to me. That's how I keep it under some control. I wake up hours before I have to leave to school or work or anywhere. I need time to slowly wake up, take a shower, eat and not panic. Stress is not good for me, no sirree. I also need enough sleep. Seven hours is close to the limit, any less and my stomach declines the contract we had made just few hours before to be able to sleep. New situations and places stress me, new people too, so I try to avoid those things or get more information beforehand about them. My coworkers chuckles because I almost always eat the same thing at work. But there's a reason, and that is IBS. I am not the only one, this guy has explained it a bit more roughly.

Summer is coming, it's going to be picnic time. Not for me though. Unless there's a toilet close by, of course. I want to go skydiving or bungee jumping, but I would probably have to wear a diaper or something. It effects everything. EVERYTHING. I was in a fancy party and we were hosting it, but someone else had to cut the cake because there's no point on me taking a piece because I can't eat it anyways. Going to a restaurant is okay because usually there is something on the menu that I can eat, but when I go to a friends place or worse - to someones parents - I can't choose what they serve. And more embarrassing moments ensues.

I don't have the words how to describe the little demons in my stomach. I can feel them moving around there constantly. Sometimes it feels like they are breaking through my skin. It's a life of constant denial and refusal. Don't eat that. Don't go there. Don't do that. Be on your toes all the time. And don't even let me start on sneezing and IBS...

I know smoking doesn't help, but damn it's a good excuse to go out and let the wind blow. I think I would enjoy company almost all the time, I'm not really a person who enjoys being alone, but I need toilet breaks. And those moments are reserved only for me, it's the only me-time I need. One good thing about this wrist is that I get to do all my exams in a room all alone because of the computer I need. Nobody but me can hear my stomach rumble. Nobody can hear the demons having an intestine war. Pun intended.

There is no cure. Diet helps. Routines helps. Some medication helps but mostly my stomach doesn't handle medications very well. Stress free life helps. Familiar things helps. People who fart and laughs about it helps enormously, I'm no stranger to toilet humour. You reading this helps. You know I'm not trying to be difficult without a good reason. It's the reason I leave home early with a bus which route I know. It's the main reason I mostly don't drink. It's the reason I don't call you and suggest we should meet. It's the reason why I seem picky. It's the reason I keep going to the same hairdresser even though I can't really afford it. And it definitely is the reason I hate apartments with unlockable doors on toilets (seriously, wtf is up with that?!).

Home is not where your heart is. Home is where the toilet is.