Few weeks ago I had a doctors appointment. When I called in they said I should ask the doc about everything that's been bothering me. But it was a gynocologist and a weird one, so I couldn't really talk to her. Other than that it was a pretty standard visit to the gyno. She checked me for breast lumps and while doing so, she commented that I had very dry skin. When she got between my legs, she said the same thing. She told me to go buy lotion from the pharmacy and put it everywhere. And she meant EVERYWHERE.
Well, not IN anything, but... you know. I didn't know that was a thing. But I guess it's similar to dry lips and the need of lip balm. I've known I had dry skin for a long time and I think I have been writing here about the need to hire a professional lotioner and I think it just got a tad bit easier. A new pickup line for sure! "Hey baby, wanna come over and put lotion on my vulva?" Should work. Though it might not make a very profound relationship.
I've been thinking about the whole dating ordeal a lot more lately and then a friend of mine said that maybe I'm not that kind of a person who can settle down with one person for a long period of time. I've been thinking about it ever since and maybe she's right. Or maybe I have problems. I have a huge label of Daddy Issues on my forehead at least if nothing else. That's why I thought about asking the good doc how could I get to a mental health consultation. But since I couldn't ask her... Seriously, when I was leaving I said thank you and she responded with a "fine." and neither one of us said goodbye. It's safe to say we didn't exactly meet on a personal level. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing when it's a gynocologist.
I had to get some shots so I went to see the nurse and since she was so nice, I asked her about this mental health stuff. She booked me for consultation and now I'm officially knocking on the doors of "the system". Maybe I'm not crazy, maybe I'm just a personality. We shall see. But I thought I had to take my own advice, can't be telling others maybe they should go talk to a professional if I won't do it myself. So next month I got an hour booked for bawling. Should be fun. Or something.
When I started to use an online dating site again, it was because I wanted some action. A little action. Not much action. Guess what I got? A buttload of action! Hell, I've been chatting my fingers sore. I've even met with one guy who was okay. Can you hear my enthusiasm? But okay is a good start, maybe I'll meet him again and see if okay turns to something more exciting.
There are few other guys eager to meet me too. But some of them are out of towners so I don't know how it would work. I've already tried the other country thing. I've also tried the half way across the same country thing. Neither one left good memories. But it's like judging a whole nation for one idiot. Though I must admit I have my guards up when it comes to middle eastern or indian guys. They seem to be full of "romance" but not much substance. Then again the world is full of guys who are clingy and full of guys who say anything to get in your pants. I don't care for either ones.
But to the main story. I was at work one day. Minding my own business as usual, when a group came in and one of them wanted to have a chat with me while the others wandered around. He went out few times and came back in to talk some more. He said it's very hard to talk with natives (it was Finnish for beginners group) and that if he proposes cup of coffee to someone they are hesitant to go. I told him that it's because in Finland you have to ask the other person for a pint and then it's casual. If you ask them for coffee, they think it's a date.
He said it's nice to be able to talk to someone and asked if I wanted to go for a coffee or a drink or whatever. I told him he can't hit on me while I'm working, it's just not cool. He assured me he just needs friends because he doesn't know that many people here and he also would like help with his language skills. I know what you're thinking, this sounds like a line but he seemed sincere to me. I ended up giving him my number and we agreed to go for a drink one day. And then the day came and I thought, what have I gotten myself into again. Some stranger I met briefly, this is gonna be aaaawkward. But it ended up being nice. We chatted about many things and I thought great, I got a new friend. Though I don't have time for my friends as it is so new friends are always a bit of a hassle.
We agreed to meet some other time and we hugged and went our merry way. Today he sent me a message, and few messages later he said he has been thinking about me. Initial thought was something along the lines: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! He promised not to hit on me! I wasn't even charming, because it wasn't a date I was my horrible self. He's the second guy in a week to tell me that he can't stop thinking about me. And as lovely as that is, I met this guy twice! Twice!! Then I thought maybe it's a language barrier thing and I asked if I said or did something funny that he has been thinking about. There was no doubt about what he meant when he answered that he wants me in my life.
*insert here murloc sounds*
Okay, I must admit I did think that he smelled good. And you don't think that kind of things about your friends, not in that way. But that's as far as I got with that. I didn't get to the "I miss you so much" part. No sirree. What the hell am I supposed to do now? Do I meet him again and see where it goes? Do I tell him to hold his horses? Do I tell him that I don't want to see him again? And the deep rooted Issues are saying "What if it's just lines?". The last guy I was cool to kiss with ended up being a total asswipe who just wanted to bed me and I never heard from him ever since. It makes a person feel like a damn fool. I never wanna feel like that again. I'm too old for that shit.
So I'll be here. Panicing.
The song of the day is Witchdoctor by Cartoons. With this song I wish happy birthday to the guy I lost my viginity to and to the rest a happy fourth of July!
"Who knows? Perhaps your love will make me forget all I wish not to remember.",
wrote Alexander Dumas in The Count of Monte Cristo.
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