I swear

When the fuck did I became such a positive person? Few days ago I felt beaten, broken and hurt. Already yesterday I felt like "Fuck that!" and decided to be happy. It took a little step back when I slipped and fell but good thing my butt is upholstered and the bruise isn't even that bad. See, there I did it again! Sometimes I have so much faith in the future that I freak myself out.

I thought about writing the whole story why I flipped out so much but when I started to go over it in my head I noticed how ridiculous it sounded. So yet again, I have a collection of quotes in pictures that will explain the whole thing.

It started out long time ago and escalated to this:

Looking back it was mostly this:

I thought I just have to deal with the heartache that he had nothing to do with, when I heard a rumour.

It made me so sad and disappointed that he didn't tell it to me himself.

I was angry. But it was the good kind of anger, cleansing anger. I needed to be mad to get over my expectations.

Even though I'm hurt and it will take time until I can look at that person with a smile on my face I'm still glad it wasn't a bad and vicious person who hurt me.

But still:

I was gonna have a mourning period. Time of anger, self pity and sadness. Then I saw this quote:

I am lucky. I have so many things to be grateful for, so why waste my time with stupid stuff. "You don't fall in love by chance, you choose" and the same thing goes for happiness. I would rather be happy - who wouldn't. I probably should go through these episodes in my head thoroughly and not just bury them under the rug, but honestly I have no idea how to do that. Maybe I'm just fast in processing stuff. Hopefully one day I will reach this:

I'm zennnnnn.

Zensei.

I fucking swear.