Sweet dreams

I'm what they call here in Finland a "chill cat". That means I get cold easily and I usually wear gazillion items of clothing on, especially in winter. I always go to bed with socks on but I usually wake up without them. Only when I sleep I feel warm enough and I've been called a radiator by those people who I've let under the same blanket. But that happens very rarely because sleeping is very important to me and I don't like to share it with anyone. I need to roll and twist and turn and kick off my socks in peace. If I was a sitcom character in one certain show I would go LUCI DOESN'T SHARE SLEEP!

This morning I woke up with one sock on and another missing. Now I know how alcoholics feels. I apparently had a great night in my sleep twisting and rolling so much (or nightmares) but by waking up, I couldn't remember anything anymore.

Lately I haven't slept very well. I could blame my expired game time, but I think I'm stressing about school more. I can't seem to correct my sleeping pattern either: I was up until five AM last night. Or well, this morning. And when I sleep, I dream.

I think it has something to do with the stages of sleep. Apparently I don't sleep that deeply, I don't fall into the relaxing dreamless deep sleep and just hang around in the light stage of sleep with all these dreams.

I very rarely see horror-movie-nightmares. Not so long ago I did have a scary dream about zombies, but mostly I see psychological nightmares. Ones that I am in danger, but not immediate danger. Just that I know it's coming and it can go on and on. Or I see people and places I haven't seen in a long time. Many times in my dreams I go back to where I grew up. The places and the people might look different from what they are but I can still recognise them.

Best example of a nightmare of mine is a dream I can still remember very vividly. I was about 9 or 10 years old. In my dream me and my father were sitting in the family car. I knew something was off because I was sitting in the front. My mother was inside the house which was my grandmothers place. My father got more restless as the time went by and then he decided to just leave without my mother. We drove off and saw lots of people in a yard of some apartment buildings. We stopped to ask what was all that gathering for and they told us there was a house on fire not far off. And the house was my grandmothers house where we had left my mother.

I don't fly in my sleeps, I don't have troubles running or anything like that. But still I've once woken up from a nightmare by sitting up and gasping for air. In one dream I knew I had to shout for help because I was being carried out of the house by a kidnapper and everything went into slow motion. My jar felt like modelling clay or jam. It was so hard and I really had to fight to scream, and when I did I, woke up my boyfriend at the time. I didn't yell out loud, but you can imagine what kind of noise a person makes who tries to yell without being able to open his/her mouth. ( I really hate all that he/she stuff. Couldn't you englishspeakers just choose one word and we can all be equal!)

Anything can turn into a nightmare in my head. I don't watch horror movies because that's a guaranteed nightmare. It's amazing how ones subconsciousness can remember stuff that the person doesn't. Like a picture you've seen somewhere, a word you've heard, a feeling that has passed by as fast as it came, all that can find their way into the dreamworld. They say we need sleep for letting our subconsciousness figure out stuff we can't figure out when we're awake.

But what if you have a dream about the same thing for nights and nights again? What does that mean? Does it mean if you die now, you'll be left on the planet to do some vicious haunting because there's something unsolved in your mind? Is our subconsciousness more witty than us in solving problems in our life? Or do we just find a compromise in our dreams and slowly let go of the thing that was bothering us?