Selfish selfish

If I were to make a new years resolution, it probably would be that to stop judging, analysing and watching people. I should stop reading between the lines. I hate that I can't keep things casual and light. I have to poke my nose to stuff that's none of my business. And even when I can sense people I don't even know very well that they need time or don't want to talk about their baggage, I still need to point it out.

Because it's easier for me. I don't like tiptoeing around subjects.

Selfish.

I'm not claiming I can do deep probing on other people's lives. But I guess I have a good sense on what people say or leave unsaid. It's not very hard for me to figure out persons age and gender from just chatting with them for a while. Not that I'm always right either, I'm no psychic or a soothsayer.

It works the other way around too. For some reason people like to tell me stuff. I remember when I was in my early teens, people started to talk to me on buses and trains telling me their life story. I didn't ask any of them. I'm not very extrovert when it comes to public transportation so I would've rather stick with my own thoughts.

The most horrible part is that I can hear people's inner selves yelling "I'm lonely, I need your company" or "I'm very sad and in the verge of depression, I need help" or "I'm mad, I need time" or "I don't really like you, don't talk to me". And what do I do?

Nothing.

I just point them out. I don't know how to help anyone. I can hardly help myself.

Sometimes I sit there and stare at my phone, knowing I should call my friends and ask how they are. But I don't because I don't want to hear the words between the lines. So I just sit there and wait for them to call me, wait for them to say straight up what's bothering them. So I wont point out their thoughts before they have realised them themselves. So I wont make things more complicated than they already are.

I guess that is why I like to stay home so much. So I can suppress my own inner thoughts by music and not hear the shouting and screaming of others problems.

Selfish.

I can't make the promise, but if I could, I would stop listening what people say with their tone of voice and actions, and start listening what they are actually saying and just stick with that.