Things that always fascinates me in the virtual world are the relationships. I already talked about like, love and flirting, but this time I'd like to go deeper into relationships.
I chatted briefly with Foss about virtual friendships and the lack of physical closeness. It's a topic that doesn't involve only love affairs but any kind of mutual liking. Can you be close to a person that's only pixels? Can you be involved with someones life if you can't hold him, hug him, truly smile at him or wipe his tears away? (I say him because there's only one word for genders in Finnish and I don't see the point on doing all that he/she -crap.) Is a relationship deeper when you can see the other person, for example through video chat?
Are we blind or deaf in the virtual worlds? Is there something missing?
My opinion in the matter is based on two things:
One is that I'm not a very touchyfeelykind of a person. I don't really like to be touched and the people I let touch me are privileged in my eyes. If I have to hug a random relative or a total stranger, I feel very uncomfortable. When I hug my friends, I usually do it for them, not for me. My close family were never the touchy kind and we express love mostly by sarcasm. One who doesn't understand our way of making fun of each other, doesn't see the deep feelings we have, the closeness and the warmth. I didn't learn to touch people around me as a kid and I didn't learn it as an adult either. I'm not saying I don't like laying on the couch watching a movie in someones warm embrace, but I don't grave it.
The other thing is that I've always had the words on my fingertips. Writing in foreign language makes it more difficult, but for me expressing myself in written words has never been an obstacle. I used to write stories and poems (they were mostly rubbish, btw.) and still sometimes I entertain my guildies by "storytime" as we like to call it. I tell you more about storytime later. I think one can express emotions through text as in spoken words too, it's not a big difference. You just have to know how to "listen".
To make any kind of a relationship work in the interwebs requires understanding and a gut feeling. The other person makes a lot of typoes? Maybe he is tired. He doesn't answer you with long sentences? He might want to be left alone. He says something, that's almost hidden and quiet, in a subordinate clause? Pay attention to those, he might say more than he writes. Ask questions. Because you can't see the other person and you might not know his tone of voice, you have to ask. I can't emphasise this asking thing enough. Don't let yourself be blind or in the dark with the others, open your virtual mouth and write a question. "What do you mean by that?" "I'm sorry, I don't really understand, can you make it more clear for me?" You can pick up on moods through text especially if you chat with that person often.
I think a relationship in the virtual world can function just like any other in the "real world" if you want and you are satisfied with it. If you need hugging, then it's just not for you. Still doesn't mean you can't have some kind of relationships with the people you talk with, maybe just not as fulfilling. Friendships requires for you to be there, for you to listen, for you to show compassion and sharing. You can do all that by writing, I'm sure.
But I think it's a totally different question when it comes to love affairs. Can you start loving a person you've never touched, hugged, kissed, smelled or banged? Can a relationship be deep without physical connection? I don't think so. You can be friends over the net, even romantic, maybe a little dirty too, but in the end, the love would be blind, deaf and a hanging torso. Even I, the touch-hater, need to be able to really feel the other person. I mean, what's the point if you don't get to do all the fun stuff too ;)
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