It's bitter, but the fruit is sweet

I wish you would play that song while you read this.

Couple nights ago I got the worst panic attack I've ever had - and I haven't had one in years. I used to get them for going to crowded places alone but it got fixed by itself by listening to music and concentrating to it. Nowadays I also have a friend over the seas who I shamelessly call on Skype if I have to go to the stores alone. I never told him though why because he always seems to be happy talking with me even if there's loud background noises. But it makes me more peaceful.

This time my the attack was because I felt the pressure of other peoples problems. Good thing is that it proves I'm a good listener and people want to tell me about their problems. Bad thing is that there's nothing I can do to help them, and every time I face that feeling, I die a little inside. But that just means I care.

I'm happy to have friends I can call to when I need a shoulder to hold on to. I want to be there for others like some are for me. So if you have my number, I don't care what time of day or night it is, I don't care how grumpy I get for waking up, I don't care how important whatever it is that I'm doing, just call me if you need to talk to someone. I don't care if it drags me to the darkness too, we just push ourselves up from there together. And if for some reason I can't answer right away, you are still priority to me.

Many of my young friends keeps telling me how bad their life is and when I try to tell them that tomorrow is a better day, they don't believe me. From my life experience the horrible moments in life will pass at some point. One just has to be patient and believe. Have hope, I tell them. I think deep inside they do have some hope left, because the old saying is true: If you don't have hope, you have nothing.

So patience, my little sister. Patience, my little brother. Let us walk together for a brighter day. But it's going to take some time.

If you just wait long enough, you'll get there. You'll find something you love, something to live for. You'll enjoy sunshine and the birds singing one day. You'll find your place in the world. You just need to learn to love yourself. Just the way you are. Believe in yourself, because you are a good person. And the most of all, you are a normal person. Don't give up. There will come a day to drive the night away.

You are smart, you are kind, you are funny, you are beautiful and you are worth it. Trust me on this one.

And you're not alone in this world.

You are not alone.